There are evolutionary reasons for this, of course, as we are all just products of nature. Biologically, a Mom knows she is the Mom of her child. No Mom has ever watched a child emerge from her body and wondered if it is really hers. But there have been plenty of Dad's who have been not so sure. This uncertainty can lead to a bit of a distancing. Also, men are capable of having lots of children - thousands in fact. Not that this is the norm, unless you are the King of Siam or an NBA star - but the possibility is there. Women, on the other hand can not physically have nearly as many, so each one becomes incredibly precious to her. Women care for and protect their children at all costs; it is why we take the crappy jobs with low pay, but with the right hours.
I just returned from the zoo, and it is everywhere. Males happily show up for mating season as many times as they can and the females do all the follow through. Yeah, I know about the penguins and the seahorses - and all the amazing Dads who manage to love like a Mom, but they are the exception that proves the rule. When we hear about deadbeat Dads or Dads who drop out of a kid's life for a while, we sigh but it doesn't really surprise us. When we hear of a Mom who abandons her children, we are shocked and confused. It doesn't make sense to us because mothers love their children. When grown kids call home, it is their Mom who they speak with and still connect with. When gay kids come out to their parents, it is the Moms who love them no matter what who hug them and lead them gently back to right relations with their shell-shocked fathers.
Now, sometimes mothers are not quite who you expect them to be. Sometimes they are the moms who adopt, or the dads in a family with two dads, or sister wives, or someone who saw you were lost in the world and took you into her arms and mothered you. The person who looked at you and took responsibility for you, who saw you and fell in love with you just as you fell in love with her. She (or he) is the one you wanted when you were sick, that person is your mom and there is nothing quite so magical or amazing as that.
Moms love their kids no matter what. Now, I know there are cases in which we failed to receive what should be our birthright of unconditional love - for some reason a mom was not able to be the best she could be, not able to fulfill this role. Although I have argued with many on this point, I repeat and stand by what I know to be true: Mothers love their kids no matter what.

It is just what is true.
OK, I know the tone of this blog post is a bit schmaltzier than most - but allow me that on Mother's day. Because I am a mom. It is my biggest passion. I can tell you that the moment I became a Mom for the first time, the moment after giving birth when my son crawled up to me and I took him in my arms, that completely floored me. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I had never before felt such deep love, such a deep connection. I remember thinking "Oh my God - I had no idea my Mom loved me this much!"
But she did. They all do. My Mom died four years ago and it is still a loss to me every day.
So honor the Mothers in your life today; if they are no longer here, honor their memory.
Please share a special Mom memory as a comment below.
Happy Mothers Day!
(comment in full length refused for unspecified reasons - post in parts)
ReplyDelete[part 1]
Exceptions. Yes, I can claim that one. I can't make a comment of the kind you requested, I'm afraid.
The connection between my daughter and her mother is pretty much as you describe. I think I can claim that is different between my son and I because I can understand him like his mother can't, however she may try. She is a good mother, that's not my point. Still, there is little that comes close to the relationship of an aspie father and his autist son, it's being two strangers in a strange land, it creates a bond. Even outwardly, my son is like my clone.
[part 2 - final]
ReplyDeleteExceptions. Yes, I can claim that one. I can't make a comment of the kind you requested, I'm afraid.
The connection between my daughter and her mother is pretty much as you describe. I think I can claim that is different between my son and I because I can understand him like his mother can't, however she may try. She is a good mother, that's not my point. Still, there is little that comes close to the relationship of an aspie father and his autist son, it's being two strangers in a strange land, it creates a bond. Even outwardly, my son is like my clone.
Sorry, all that cutting and pasting necessary messed it up, leading to a double post of part 1 while losing part 2. I might try and re-type, meanwhile feel free to delete this one and this faulty part 2 while I'll try to re-type it.
ReplyDeletePart 2
ReplyDeleteThe inward similarities go further to create a bond. Take a mother and daughter example again. They may share interests and likes for the same things. Still, you have a large pool of people around who share some of those likes. More importantly though, and I can't stress or explain this adequately, most people look into the world with roughly the same brain make-up. I know one person I can compare with in that sense. My son now goes to a school with other kids like him but at home, I'm the only one that's like him.
Part 3
ReplyDeleteIt is a difference that, I dare say, is more fundamental than gender. It might be like drivers. You have regular cars and sportscars. The drivers are not fundamentally different. Then you have trucks. Bit of a class on their own but still, same basic make-up. And then you have motorbikes. You ride the same traffic but your outlook differs vastly and there aren't as many. Which is why they bond more easily, strangers in a strange land that was not designed with them in mind.
Sorry for the comments mess, blogspot kept bumping me every other step. The first comment and the ones called part 2 and part 3 are the right ones.
ReplyDelete