It is NOT OK to Rape

Hopefully, this is a message we have already heard. However, there are four recent headlines that make me feel like this is a message that bears repeating.

Alleged gang rape, hanging of two girls in India
sparks global outrage

“If I Can’t Have Them, No One Will”
Man goes on killing spree when women reject him

Teenage girl forced to leave school prom after 'ogling' dads complained her dress and dancing would give their sons 'impure thoughts'

Utah High School Photoshops Female Yearbook Photos to Show Less Skin

Huh? Am I seriously comparing horrific acts of violence with a little photo shop hack job?

Yes, yes I am.

Let me expand on the title of this blog, maybe tack on a few extra rules, just for the outrage of it.

1. It is NOT OK to rape

2. t is NOT OK to think you are entitled to another person's body

3. It is NOT OK to make another person responsible for how you think of them

4. It is NOT OK to make arbitrary rules about another person's body

If you think these stories are disconnected, that they are not indicators of a dangerous attitude we have about women, then you are simply wrong.

Administrators in a Utah high school decided it would be okay to Photoshop yearbook pictures of young women (and only women) without their permission. They no doubt felt justified in this decision, because the unaltered images might be considered provocative. The sweet, fresh-faced girls may be driving the unwilling into sinful thoughts because un-Photoshopped, we can see that these girls are clearly humans. With arms.

Now, I could talk about how benign these pictures are - or I could focus on the bigger issue which is that people in authority are giving young women the message that they are not in control of their own bodies. That ownership and power over the way you look belongs to the beholders.

So if you make unapproved choices about what message you want to send to the world through your clothing - the world will just take your decision-making power away, as the high school administrators did to the women in the yearbook.

And this seems reasonable to many.

If a woman makes the unacceptable choice of not having sex with a man, he will take her decision making power away, as the madman did when he felt rejected.

And this seems reasonable to many. Or, if not reasonable, unavoidable.

When we make women responsible for how men may or may not react, it gives the message that men are not able to control themselves.

Do we really think so little of men?

Do we really think so little of women?

And don't give me this bullshit about "modesty" and "appropriateness" - I don't see anyone Photoshopping jeans on the guys who walk around with their pants lower than their crotch and their undies showing.

I don't see anyone Photoshopping ties on young men who are "not dressed up enough" for their high school yearbook.

I don't hear people talking about how men mowing the lawn without shirts on is, of course, going to incite attacks from frenzied fans.

This is about women.

This is about a terrifying attitude that women are rightfully at risk because of their provocative female nature. '

This is all connected

And it is bullshit.

And just to clarify for anyone who still needs it:

It is NOT OK to blame other people for your behavior.

It is NOT OK to rape.